Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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