we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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