I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
