I cannot find my penis.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
