he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
