Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
