did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
