Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
