Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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