Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
