they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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