Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
