Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
