You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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