So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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