So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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