you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will be naked everywhere
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
