Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Couch. On fire.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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