Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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