I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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