It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
