after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize