member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
