if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
