The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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