Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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