I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
