I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
