actually, I'm a sock model
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ate ashes out of my bong
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
