And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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