Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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