idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
