so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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