if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wish my penis had a tongue
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
