To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
