batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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