you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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