dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
