we're making bets on your personal life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My bed smells like the plague
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
