so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
