I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
