i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
