you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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