i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
