He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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