So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
