i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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