I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he shaved USA in his pubs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
