Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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