am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
