Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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