I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
