I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
