theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
